Music Review: <i>U Me Aur Hum</i>
If you’d asked me to guess, I wouldn’t have picked U Me Aur Hum for Ajay Devgan’s directorial venture. The odd Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam apart, Devgan’s real success lies in movies where he’s been able to portray angst ridden characters with something to prove. With U Me Aur Hum, he’s either hoping for a safe bet at the box office or wants to try his hand at something different (for him). Written by Robin Bhatt, Sutanu Gupta and Devgan himself, according to the syrupy synopsis it is:
A love story, that begins at sea. Ajay is on a cruise with his friends Nikhil and Reena, unhappily married, and Vicky and Natasha, happily unmarried. Ajay is having a wonderful time dealing with martial strife, lots of bad language and huge hangovers, when he finds Pia, and time stands still.
So they battle all odds, and dance, and sometimes they fall. But every time they fall, they fall in love. And that’s what a successful marriage requires. Falling in love many times, always with the same person.
This is the special love story of Ajay and Pia. There may be no monuments dedicated to them and perhaps their names will soon be forgotten. But in one respect they succeed as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: They’ve loved each other with all their heart and soul; and in life and marriage, this has always been enough.
Hmm. Personally, with a set up like that, the only thing that makes me in the slightest bit interested in this movie is the fact that it stars Kajol and has music by Vishal Bhardwaj. And while Kajol has let me down from time to time (hey there, Raju Chacha), Bhardwaj has always been awesome. Will the U Me Aur Hum album, with lyrics by Munna Dhiman, be his Waterloo? Let’s see:
Jee Le - This is why I love Vishal Bhardwaj: even when he churns out a ho hum song, he does it with more class than just about anybody else. If you’re a fan of Latin rhythms (and it’s hard not to be) then this is a very pleasant song. The obligatory amore, baila and te quiero stuff manages not to grate the way others of this ilk so often do. Of course, I don’t speak Spanish so maybe people who actually understand the lyrics might disagree. I can only hope they’re better than the Hindi ones penned, which are strictly pedestrian. Shreya Ghoshal and Adnan Sami croon their way affably through it and it all pretty much sounds like a cruise ship band putting on a good performance. I don’t know if that’s what Bhardwaj and Co. were going for, but that’s what it is.
U Me Aur Hum (Part I) - Remember how Shreya Ghoshal was so absolutely lovely and perfect in Jism? Now imagine her being almost lovely and perfect. That’s what this song is. Again, it’s not godawful or hurting my teeth but five minutes from now I wouldn’t remember a thing about it. Actually, no, I lie - I’d remember that little hip-hop-in-the-land-of-boyband riff (”Love gives you the power / to open up and flower / covering every hour with its refrain”) that comes up now and again. The male singer is uncredited and he ought to thank his stars for small mercies. Dhiman wades in rather late to try and save the day by injecting a little meaning into the song, but it’s no go.
Saiyaan - You lost me at first line: “But I asked for a lover who’d be like a girlfriend,” Sunidhi Chauhan complains. So Kajol’s a lesbian then? The rest of the song is about how she finds her hubby such a mystery - he likes to watch TV, doesn’t pay her much attention, is a workaholic, not a morning person, kind of chubby, (”like a haveli“)… I’m sorry, what’s the mystery here? Adding to the confusion, the song stopped all of a sudden, like they’d just given it up as a bad job. Sunidhi really needs to pay attention to the crap she’s being fed these days if she wants to keep her A-list career.
Phatte - I have no idea what this horror is but it has Adnan Sami battling a severe case of constipation and it makes Sunidhi Chauhan angry. I don’t blame her. Its stated ambition is to make all the “the birds like parrots fly”. I decided to join them in their escape. Tell me when it’s safe to come back.
Dil Dhakda Hai - Oh goody, Adnan Sami’s back to mumble some more. If this is what gastric bypass surgery does to your vocal chords, then it’s time to bring back the fat. This time around he keeps Shreya Ghoshal company. And she sounds terrified as she well should, singing a song about under-seasoned food. Or maybe it’s about oral sex. Or cannibalism. Or something. If I could get over the crappy beats I’d know more. Except, do I really want to find out more about stuff like this:
Tu hai meri shayri
Chori ki hai Dairy
Sher tagde tadge hai
Chidiya Ghar se pakde hai
Translation:
You are my poetry
From a stolen diary
But the lines are solid
And caught from the zoo
Ooh, the last two lines are really clever, see? Because sher means verse as well as lion and you can see lions in the zoo… By the time the half-hearted rap shows up, I really don’t give a shit. It’s like kicking someone with a head injury - I can’t even feel it.
U Me Aur Hum (Part II) - Just when I’m wondering when this torture will end, Vishal Bhardwaj breaks out his guitar and sings this song. Suddenly, all those hokey words make sense and the world is lovely again. What the hell just happened?
I have no clue. But I can only hope the movie will be better. Just so it’s, you know, watchable. My eyes are on you, Kajol. Also I’m really happy the internet exists so I could listen online and didn’t have to pay for this crap. The End.
stomp the yard soundtrack : Various Artists - Cafe Copacabana [CD 1] [2007]